White chocolate doesn't contain any chocolate and Rat's can't throw up.

Goat's Cheese and Cameralised Onion Tart (s)

This is exactly like a Goat's Cheese and Caramelised Onion Tart (s) but I have taken a picture of the caramelised onions with my camera so they have become cameralised. See!







This weekend has again been all about cooking and also Autumn clothes. I have bought some rather lovely shorts which I believe are 'on trend'. I don't know if they are at all but I think if I tell enough people they will be.Also I don't know if 'on trend' is the right phrase to use but someone gave me a free ELLE at the beginning of the week so I have been pretending to be a fashion editor.

For your tart you will need:

Puff Pastry (don't bother farting around making it, no-one really does except for maybe Nigella Lawson but she's got loads of money ergo more spare time for pastry making)
3 Red Onions (you could use white if you ABSOLUTELY had to, but red are tastier, yumyumyum)
Goats Cheese (from a Goat is best)
Olive Oil
Peppers (I'd go for red or yellow if I was you)
Smoked bacon (2 pieces)
Spinach (just some, however much you want)
Rocket. (not an actual rocket, the salad stuff, but if you do have an actual rocket or a toy rocket, take a picture and send it in!)

To make

Firstly caramelise your onions. To do this cover the bottom of a frying pan - non stick is best - with olive oil and put in your roughly chopped onions. Leave for around 45 mins, gently stirring, add a bit of salt halfway in.

If they stick to the bottom of the pan then scrape the burn off and include in the onion mixture. Delicious burn! Then gently fry two pieces of cut up bacon in the caremalised onion juice. I mainly cut up things like bacon and spaghetti with scissors - much quicker and more efficient!

Next....Roll out the pastry and cover a tart dish or little tart dishes with some puff pastry - enough to cover. Then pop in the oven for 10 mins or so.

Take out and flatten the bottom which will have puffed out like a puffer jacket. Spoon on caramelised onions, fried bacon and chopped up red peppers then crumble over the goats cheese. Drizzle on olive oil and put back in oven for about 20 mins on 180.

Serve with a spinach and rocket salad

As a piece of this is not super duper filling, its a bit of an excuse for a pudding so earlier today I made...

White Chocolate and Raspberry biscuits....

What a bloody treat these are. Don't worry what shape they are, mine were a mixture of squares, circles and triangles. They still taste ace and are very easy to make.

I was reminded earlier that when I was very small I used to make '1,2,3' biscuits - literally 1oz of butter, 2 of sugar and 3 of flour- and give them to all my friends. It seems that two decades later not much has changed but I've added a couple of extra ingredients.

You will need
(p.s I don't have measuring scales so I do a lot by eye and taste. I always take an oz to be a tablespoon.

12 oz self raising flour  (the most confident of all the flours)
8oz butter (unsalted)
8oz caster sugar
1 tablespoon of condensed milk (this will help the biscuits to stay soft in the middle and crispy on the outside)
LOTS of white chocolate broken up into pieces (about the size of a piece of cheese that you might see a mouse holding in a cartoon)
Half a punnet of raspberries (are raspberries measured in punnets? Isn't punnet an odd word. Punnet.)
Dried raspberries if you can get your hands on them.

To make

Cream together the butter and flour, add the condensed milk and then gently sift in the flour. When you have a doughy mixture pour in some melted white chocolate. This is an extravagance that is not necessarily necessary but delicious. Add some chopped up raspberries and some chunks of chocolate to the biscuit dough. Then make little balls of dough and flatten 'pon a baking tray.

If you have greaseproof  paper line the tray with this. I didn't as 'tis an extravagance that I would rather forgo for more biscuits so I rubbed a bit of butter on the bottom.

Put in the oven on 180 - I seem to bake everything on 180 - for about 17 minutes and then take out. Leave to cool for a  bit and then transfer to baking rack for a further cooling experience. If like me, your biscuits decided to join together in harmony whilst they had their oven times then chop 'em up into any shapes you like. If your biscuits stayed in their circular shapes then well done, you have no further tasks.
Enjoy!

As some of you may be aware, the Premier League has started once again. A friend reminded me earlier about a time I was told (as a crafty joke,) that every four years one French team are allowed into the English top League. I listened enraptured and then told all my mates the next day about how exciting it was for Lyon that they had a chance in England this season. That was super duper embarrassing.

That's all.

Autumn Fayre

This weekend I have been mainly sitting around in big jumpers thinking about falling leaves and also what kind of fur coat I'm going to buy for winter. Normal Leopard? Snow Leopard or perhaps even Tiger! I've also been cooking the type of food which feels like a big hug.


Chicken and Chorizo Risotto (serves 2-4) depending how much rice you use.

The secret to a good risotto is a lot more parmesan than you think you actually need


Things to put in your risotto..
2 shallots
Risotto Rice
White wine (any kind, but if you get a nice bottle then you can enjoy it with your risotto)
Chicken breast - or pieces of chicken any kind of chicken is fine.
Some chorizo - about the size of a travel shampoo will be enough.
A pepper - again your choice of colour.
Mushrooms
Chicken Stock (If you are a vegeeeeetarian use vegetable stock -obvs)
Parmesan - a LOT of parmesan. 


Here is how you make it....


Chop up shallots and fry in olive oil. Once browned add risotto rice and fry with the shallots for about a minute. Then add chicken stock (I use a full measuring jug plus a little bit more) and a generous slosh of wine.  Leave to simmer for around 20-25 mins.


In a separate pan fry up your chopped up chicken and chorizo...

As the rice is starting to go soft fold in the fried chicken and chorizo and the chopped up mushrooms and peppers. Keep stirring until veg are cooked and then fold in the parmesan, add some black pepper and serve with a rocket salad and a large glass of white wine. I saved some to have for lunch today but ended up eating it last night.

As I have been mainly Miss Haversham house bound all weekend and had a lot of spare pears (ooo a little poem) this is a double blog.

Pear, ginger and cinnamon muffins.

If I could have bottled up the smell that came out of my oven this morning and sold it I would have been a millionaire. But I would also have had to go through the rigmarole of learning about how to make air fresheners which I think would be boring.

You can get pears very cheaply at this time of year so these cost next to nothing to make and are also surprisingly healthy!

 I made these after seeing a tweet by @gilliandonovan (fellow foodie and defo worth a follow) who kindly showed me the recipe she used which I have slightly messed around with.

You will need

2 pears, peeled and chopped

1 and a half cups of self raising flour

1 cup of wholemeal flour

1 cup of brown sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp of ginger

2 tsp cinnamon

1 beaten egg

Half a cup of red milk

A bit of butter - the less you use the healthier it is, I'd say about a tablespoon does the trick.

In one bowl mix together the flour,sugar, baking powder and spices. In another mix together the milk and beaten egg. Make a a hole in the flour mixture and add the milk mixture, whisk/stir/fork the two mixtures together and then fold in the chopped pear. Spoon into a greased cupcake tray or cupcake paper holders, sprinkle a little bit of brown sugar on top and then put in oven on 180 for about 20 minutes.

The hot pear mixed with the brown sugar is one of the loveliest autumn tastes I have ever enjoyed. These are probably best eaten wrapped in a blanket sitting on Hampstead Heath.

This week has seen the early introduction of my winter hat. I love it so much I wish I could wear it at times where it is not acceptable to wear a hat with bobbles on it.

Time to think about what to make for tea.....

Seabass and Spiders

Tonight I ate a particularly delicious meal......

Pan fried seabass with warm tomato,pepper and chilli salsa with mini roasties with the skin left on. 

Seabass is delicious, it could happily just be accompanied by a squeeze of lemon and some olive oil. If you can get some from the fishmonger, that's the best thing to do but don't worry if you have to go to Tescos. The fishmonger in Manchester's Arndale market will give you 3 for a fiver. However if you're in the market you probably won't end up eating the sebass that night as all the other delicious food stalls will tempt you away.

Tonight I used Seabass from my Tesco Big Shop which was in fact called Basa  - The basa fish, Pangasius bocourti, is a type of catfish in the family Pangasiidae. Basa are native to the Mekong River Delta in Vietnam and Chao Phraya basin in Thailand. So remember that if you are ever on Uni Chal. It wasn't quite as nice but the salsa was so delicious it didn't matter.


This recipe will feed two. You will need...


2 seabass fillets
A couple of potatoes (doesn't matter which kind, I used some old ones that have been in our dishwasher for a few weeks and they tasted fine)


For the salsa
Tomatoes (I used half a pack of plum tomatoes which are very sweet so make a good salsa, but if you don't have them to hand chuck any old ones in)
Garlic (4 cloves)
2 small onions
A fresh chilli
Sugar
Lime
Assorted herbs (I used basil, oregano, salt and pepper)
Half a pepper (colour up to you, red are the queens of the pepper land though)


To make........


Firstly roughly chop up your potatoes, put in a baking tray sprinkle on a bit of salt, pepper and olive oil and put in the oven on 180 for about half an hour. Whilst they are cooking......


For the salsa: 
Chop up the onion, garlic and chilli into fairly small pieces but big enough for fairies to hold in their fingers and then fry in a teaspoon of olive oil till browning.
Add the chopped up tomatoes - squeeze all their innards out as you are putting them in - satisfying and squelchy.
Add the chopped up pepper and give a good stir to the mixture.
Then add a squeeze of lime, a teaspoon of sugar and your 'erbs and spices. Leave to simmer for 20 mins or so.


For the sebass:
Use a pan similar to this:

If you don't have one like that, any frying pan will do. Using one like that just makes you feel a bit more like a proper chef.

Heat up some olive oil and when hot and spitting add the sebass. Fry for a minute on each side then serve.

You might end up with something like this....

If it looks completely different to this you might have made another meal by mistake. 

A story from the weekend....

On Saturday night I rolled over in bed and killed a spider. This is what he looked like....

That is his spider blood next to him. That is in fact what woke me up. Spider blood smells BADMAN.

If anybody reading this has made anything delicious please tell me about it because I love to try other people's food ideas. 

The End. 

Don't spill your soup in a vintage bag.

Last night I went to a my first ever wedding which was lovely, and what made it even more lovely was this....

I ate THEM ALL.

As I haven't done any cooking since my last blogette I shall instead talk about the delicious wedding meal.

Arrival: Prosecco. I smiled a lot at the waiters and waitresses and they kept giving me more prosecco, that is why I don't work very well today. We also had little canapés with tomato purée and parmesan on. Incidentally parmesan has the highest occurrence of natural MSG than any other food.(WOW)

Starter: Leek and potato soup with a few bits in that looked and tasted a bit like chewing gums but I expect it was gnocchi (which is a good word to say out loud). A few months ago someone asked me at the canteen lunch table where my top was from. As I turned around to check the label I knocked a whole cup of Leek and potato soup into a vintage bag which has been in the Power family for about 40 years. Even though I did my best to clean out the bag, it still whiffs a little bit of leek and also the crap soap you get in office toilets which is nice and shiny but not very good at cleaning things.

Main Course: STEAK - I love steak. I would sacrifice my going-out-to-the-pub-on-a-friday-money (which is always a bit more than going out the the pub on a Wednesday money) for a good steak. This one did not disappoint, although I could have handled it slightly rarer. I do think the best way to cook steak is to hold up the steak and say to it 'look there's the pan' and then put it on the plate. However if you do like it a bit more done then heat up a griddle VERY HOT and when boiling put the steak in. 2 mins on each side for medium rare, 4 mins on each side for medium and 6 mins on each side for well done. If anyone ever asks you for steak well done though you should just eat their steak for them as they clearly don't deserve it.

Pudding: Lemon tart with what I think was raspberry sorbet. At this point though it was quite dark and I'd drunk quite a lot of delicious wine so it could have been made from a different type of berry although not blackberry as then it would have been black not pink. I think lemon is a fantastic fruit to have in a pudding, being more of a savoury than a sweet person I will often choose cheese (also fun to say out loud - it makes you sound like a train) instead of pudding but, put a lemon in it and I'll gobble it down - quick as a bee.

SWEETS

Before home-time there was cheese. It was delicious but after I ate it and drank all the wine my tummy hurt A LOT.

Since doing my blog I have become much better at computers. I can now upload stuff and do linkings.
Finally here is a little joke that you can tell to all your friends.
Q. What do you call a gay chickpea?
A. A houmousexual.

As it is Saturday I'm off to eat toast (delicious and exciting) and clean the bathroom sink (boring, but necessary).

Pringles and Porky Pittas.

Throughout my life Thursdays have always been worstdays. In schooltimes I always had double maths with Mr Low who smelled of Nescafe and hamsters and then after school I probably had a stupid piano lesson.

Today was no exception - a day where everything went wrong, even the seat on my bicycle turned itself upside down back to front on the way home and I had to cycle with my bottom next to the tyre with all boys staring at me funny. Because of this it was time for some naughty pringles and a  tasty recipe which involves about 7 mins preparation and because it's so delicious probably about 3 mins consumption. I call it  'Porky Pittas' .

Recipe: Chop up ANY vegetables you have, tonight I used onion, courgette, pepper, fresh chilli and garlic and put in a baking tray.

Add diced pork - doesn't matter what kind, as long as it's from a pig its fine. Although if you are Jewish or you don't like pork or you don't have any pork to hand use some chicken instead. Also if you are a vegeeeeetarian OMIT the meat full stop as you are not allowed to eat it.

Then on top sprinkle all of or some of the following spices: cajun, chilli, cayenne, all spice and season with a little salt but not too much I am not Rick Stein. 

Put in the oven for 20 mins on 200. If using chicken p'raps a little longer.

Then heat up (in oven or in toaster) a wholemeal pitta bread. Cut in half down the middle so you have two pitta pockets if you will. Spread houmous (meee mous?) in the pockets and stuff with porky vegetable mixture and iceburg letture. And that is literally it. Absolutely delicious. Also boys like it because they think it's a kebab.

Tomorrow I am off to my first ever wedding, which of course is food focused. Back in August I had the choice of salmon, steak or vegeeeetarian option. Of course I chose steak.

Finally, there is a little cricket who has lived outside my bedroom window for the last few months - he must be very hardy to live in Manchester. He is such a noisy fellow! I wonder what will happen to him in the colder times to come....

Cup confusion

'What size cup should we be using?!' I hear you all cry, well one person queried it earlier.

Fear not, here is the size of the cup I use to measure 'ting out.

I use the cup on the right but you can use any similar sized one. I have put it next to my measuring jug for a 'point of reference'.

As I write this I have stuffed chicken breasts cooking in the oven. Stuffing chicken can be very boring and a bit of a business so I sometimes just put the stuffing near the chicken - it still tastes the same.Anyway here is how it goes......

Chop up 1 small onion or shallot if you have it, 4 cloves of garlic and a fresh chilli. I use this in so many recipes I may refer to it from now on as OGC. 

Dice some chorizo (about a fingers worth - doesn't matter what size your fingers are as your appetite will probably be in accordance). My chorizo was a bit old today so the skin had gone all saggy like old people's necks, if this happens add some hot water and it will come off - quick as a flash!

Fry the OGC and chorizo in red pesto then slice open a chicken breast so you are creating a flap, (flap hahahah). Spoon as much of the mixture in as possible. On top of the mixture place mozzarella - which I always think tastes of wet flannel but loads of people seem to rave about it - or cheddar cheese (delicious). Then wrap the chicken in tin foil and put in the oven on 180 for about 30 mins. 

Serve with salad - into this salad you can have anything you want - tonight I am having lettuce, rocket, cucumber and a little bit of crumbly feta. A hunk of french bread with salted butter is always a treat and makes this dish feel like you are a peasant in the middle ages as with it you can mop up the pesto juices.

A little thought: Today I received an email from the 1st Jan 1970. What a thing to happen!

My first blog

Here is what I ate......

These are delicious bran muffins, I made them because I ate them at 2am in the morning with my mum whilst I showed her how I do press ups and then I got really bad hiccups from eating bran cakes and doing press ups at the same time so I had to stop. But they are delicious and also you can eat them if you have high cholesterol like my dad.
Here is how you make them....

1 cup of skimmed milk (the red one)
1 cup of Bran (I didn't know what bran was until I made these muffins but if you go into Tesco and ask a man he will show you where it is)
1 cup of wholemeal self raising flour. (you can buy it from anywhere except for Tesco Metro or little shops like that)
1 cup of dried fruit (doesn't matter what kind)
1 cup of brown sugar (or half a cup if you want to be SUPER DUPER healthy)
1 Egg (any kind of egg you like)
2 Tsps of baking powder (tsps: teaspoons)

Soak for 6 hours the bran,sugar, milk and dried fruit. Then after soaking add the flour, baking powder and egg and put in the oven on 120 for 20 minutes. The End.

Total Cost: mabes £3. I made 12 big 'uns but you could easily get 24 out of the mixture.

Here is what I think: By accident I watched two minutes of newsnight tonight and the men in suits on it were so boring they made me feel carsick as it reminded me of car journeys back from Auntie Florrie and Uncle Roy's house on Sunday evenings when I was little. They were super boring.